Neuroma or Normal?

"What's a neuroma?" I asked Robert as he stated that he believes this is what he might have. Knowing enough English and Greek/Latin root words, I knew it would be related to the nervous system somehow, which is a whole other side to amputation that we were never aware of until him going through it now.

A neuroma is a growth or benign tumor on the nerves of the foot. But his foot was removed- you say. Yes, but not the nerves. The foot nerves are intact and were wrapped up along with his calf muscle to guard the underside of his residual limb, with a giant seam sewn across the top of his shin about 6-7 inches below his knee. So he still "feels" his foot and his toes "doing things" even though the flesh and bone are absent.

For example, the other day his right foot was wet as he was working in water, so his left "foot" perceived that it was wet as well - this is what they call a phantom sensation. He has all kinds of phantom sensations ranging from a toe cramp and his foot itching to it being hot or cold. They are very real in the sense that he feels them, but they are also controlled by the mind to some extent.

In addition to these phantom sensations, he has had phantom pains to return - something he now sleeps through, but something that causes him/us grief on a regular basis. Phantom pains and their elusiveness still baffle the medical experts. They are not totally understood, much like the nervous system and the brain are not and are currently being studied with the hopes of helping more amputees overcome these illusive pains, which many thought they would be rid of when their limb was severed.

Now, Robert has been having a different pain - what he calls "real pain" at the end of his limb, as he has learned to distinguish physical pain from the more neural/mental phantom pains. Because of it, some days/hours he is unable to use his prosthesis and becomes what he calls a "monoped" again. It's all part of the process as his nerves heal, but we find ourselves asking with each new pain - is this NORMAL? Honestly, being an amputee (and their caregiver) is like exploring undiscovered terrain - simultaneously dangerous and promising.

He saw his prosthestist, Robby Schiff, yesterday to be fitted for his second leg - the vacuum kind. It hurt him to walk with it because of that little ball of pain and his gait. In a nutshell, this is what we are looking at today:

Problems:
-possible neuroma
-poor gait
-weak left leg due to atrophy
Solutions:
-massage and hold out for an upcoming doctor visit with the orthopedic surgeon (in Houston) so he can refer Robert to a specialist if it's a neuroma
-travel to Houston for gait training with some lady who is the alleged gait go-to person who will give
him weekly homework on how to walk correctly
-exercise
Problems:
-we live near Austin
-the ranch owners are coming and the ranch continues to need running
Solutions:
-God has blessed us with good vehicles and family/friends with which he can stay
-God is also blessing us with help from our sons, daughter-in-law, and another ranch family who come here to work

The Real Problem:
-We all need strength to persevere, faith to be still, hope to know that this life is not in vain, and wisdom to guide us.
The Real Solution:
-Speaking for myself, but also for Robert to some degree- I came across this verse this morning after asking God for guidance- and this gave/gives us peace with our "New Normal," neuroma or not-

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. Such a person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." James 1:2-8

My favorite parts- How God gives wisdom WITHOUT FINDING FAULT! That is amazing, especially if you are like me and can find fault with anything. God is definitely not like we people are. The other favorite part is that our job is to "LET perseverance finish its work" - meaning to allow the struggle and weather the storms. 

So, we are asking and we are trusting, knowing that God always provides wisdom. Meanwhile, Robert returns to the prosthetist tomorrow to see if/how well he can walk with the new leg. To be continued . . . 

#phantompain

#neuroma

#newnormal

#trustinggod